Okay I have been really hush hush about this because I partially feel guilty we are doing this but about two weeks before surgery we signed up for a Marriage Retreat in Germany. We see Chaplin B every week for marriage training since we had Emma-Bemma and he thought it would be a great idea. So here we are a month an a half later not even knowing we would have experienced all this and I am totally feeling guilty for going. I have been and am excited for this as it will be our first trip in Italy out of Italy other than going home but I totally feel bad, I just lost Max a month ago and I feel as if I need to be sitting at home in my recliner with a kit-kat or something.

Who knows maybe it's my hormones or maybe it's anxiety to be going so far away from this candle that I light every night or maybe it's a fear of breaking down in public again? Who knows. . . but we leave at the end of the week to Germany. . . for a two day marriage retreat and a 3 day stay after for our own good. Maybe this will give me the breath of air I feel I need. . . maybe this will give me the snow between my toes replacing the sand and water between my toes I urn for since experiencing "the surgery".