Pressure

Oh Lord do I feel such a pressure. Prior to leaving to Phoenix we had a couple of conversations with people in passing asking when #2 would be coming down the lane. With one I had to leave the conversation as this person did not know that we lost our second baby and they would not quit on how we needed to catch up. The second person I was comfortable enough to respond "We already lost the baby." Worst of all, these were all in the same day, so by the second one I was on "raw emotions". I am now over 90 days away from when I lost my child and I still feel as if I cannot have another child. Partially because of the statistics, I now have 50% less chance of conceiving than I did prior and due to the fact of the struggle/wait we had to have Emma and partially because it is a lot of anxiety and stress and something that was so innocent has now left me with feelings of negativity and sadness.

I am not quite sure if ever, will feel good about pregnancy again, but I know if I ever have another child (completely by Gods will because we are doing everything not to.) that it will not be my 2nd it will be my third and that is a hard thing to deal with.

We have discussed our options such as adoption or trying again and have decided not to make any drastic decisions right now. Just because everyone is having children doesn't mean we have to, right? Having a baby isn't a trend, it's something that can forever impact your life and until we have a clear head to make a decision we will stand idol in hope that God speaks to our hearts.

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA