Today, I miss YOU.

Today I seem to miss my baby just a little more than every day. Maybe it's because it's a rainy day or maybe it's because I am dreading going home back to Italy, where I have to re-arrange the room back to the way it was prior ((I keep telling my self I am going to do it but I end up just sitting in the room)) and I have a few other things I need to do in regards to the Baby that won't be here on June 4th.

During my journey back home I have meet a few people that have offered me advice in which I am truly grateful for and when I go back I have no one in which I am safe enough share things with other than my husband and to be quite frank I am sure he's tired of hearing me speaking some days after working a 12 hour shift.

I trusted a few someones but they ended up not being great people for me to share my emotions with as it ended up rumor mill gossip between a group of women. If they think I went crazy for a moment... I did, I lost a child I didn't need to deal with them and their she said she said crap all I wanted was it to STOP. If anything it's taught me is that I let people whom I truly did not know hurt me during a time where I was at my worst and I shouldn't trust anyone just because they are nice to my face or online. Will I trust someone over there to be my friend, I am not sure but I know the friends I have have showed up in the least place I expect it almost as if they were sent to me.

Either way it's almost time to go back to where life has taken me, but honestly if it doesn't work. . . I have a return ticket and a bed and crib to crash in ha ha ha ha ha ha

Just thought of this but on 10.10.08, Emma was conceived and on 10.13.09 I lost Max. Who would have thought 1 year later from being terrified of being a first time Mom I would be saying good bye to my second? Surly not I.

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA