I have posted a few things about Max on my other blog but really this is a journey and it seems as if it's forever. Every month is a reminder, every period is a reminder because of how painful they are, every month is a day closer to June 4th, 2010 which is the day he would have been here.
What to say what to do I have no clue. . . the guilt comes and goes. I am still unsure where this has taken me as a person but I am navigating around it rather slowly.
Being here in Italy on a Base that is rather small is hard, I spent the last 6 weeks in Arizona where no one new anything and I didn't have a constant reminder. I didn't run in to those who "knew" or those who did the surgery. 95% of the people who did or knew about that day look down as if I am marked. There are those select few that look at me and smile. In their smile you can feel the compassion they know they don't say a word but they smile in hopes that those dark days are over.
Are they over? No but there are fewer of them.