6 Months is approaching.

 The 6 month mark of the loss of my child is fast approaching, I know that I would be 32 weeks approaching 33. I can't help but to think about Emma's pregnancy and the difficulties such as bed rest at 33 weeks until 37 weeks because I am almost at that time in my pregnancy. The bed rest was because I was leaking water. Backstory is I went in one night and I told them my water broke, water went uncontrollably out of my "area" and they said "oh it was nothing" without even looking but told me to lay low as she was dropping lower and shouldn't be dropping at that point and if it was my water that it was probably just her moving around and sometimes that "happens".

I remember just getting that round belly at this point and I can't help but to think about what it would be like this time around.

As I was driving this week to work, (the new job I just started after not working since 2008) I thought to my self I am working towards nice kitchen gadgets that I want such as $1500 pots and pans when I should be really working towards my baby nursery and setting up the new stroller and then I wonder. . . Why? Why this? and Why me? I often think about people who shouldn't be having their second child at 22-23 years of age because I should be, I am full proof. . . I have a job a means and a way to provide for this child and the child I have.

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA