More Than Just a Loss

Some days I wonder why this child loss has effected me so much, I mean I lost my child, my tube, my friends, and was in a foreign country with no family. This wasn’t just a small thing in my life, my life was shattered that day. I finally realized today as I was driving in the car that this was more than just a loss for me. This was a test of character, possibly to see if I truly knew who I was. I claim that I know who I am…but I never envisioned my self under these circumstances…really who would. I was absolutely blindsided that day, I just turned 25 and I was not very knowledgeable about pregnancy loss & infant loss. . . it’s not like there was a prep course I could have taken. That day was and sometimes is somewhat hard to digest. How do you wake up at 7 a.m. and by Noon be in surgery to remove my unborn child and to find out my tube. Then to have your “close” friends and support here tell you crazy things like the bible you read isn’t real or start blogging about or even post facebook things and then create additional drama during the time of my loss. It’s really draining emotionally & mentally and it will make you truly question WHO you are and what you are made of. I can’t say I would ever go back and even speak to those “close” friends again…but I do wish I would have handled it a bit more eloquently on my behalf for my own sake but I did stay true to my self and my beliefs. As I approach the loss of my child I remember the chaos and I remember my emotions…this period of time has made me a much stronger willed person and a stronger mother.