So at work. we talk about weird things. but often this song has come on it's silent but about two weeks ago it wasn't. This song came on and[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM&feature=player_embedded]
Bobo said "This is a morbid song." I simply said "no it isn't, it almost reminds me of the Natalie Holloway story." Well, I had been playing this since September not even realizing the lyrics like I heard the lyrics but not until today while I was playing it and the lyrics "The sharp knife of a short life." it struck a cord when you loose a child born or unborn it strikes a deep chord in you it makes you question God, your self, your woman parts, your heart, your marriage, your job or your goals. Whatever it is you use to raise your self esteem or gauge your life by is now questioned, nothing is safe.
I can't say this has hit me all together, maybe it has idk, I have the "whole who gives a poop" attitude this time, hell who should feel pitty on me? No one. I knew the risks, yes I was dumb thinking all I had to worry about was what location it was in, God fooled me yet again. Shame on me right? That's okay though my reality lays heaver on my heart than my faith. Is that bad? probably. Will I go to hell? Who knows...? Maybe this is all part of the process of grief...? Hell, I thought I was ready for another child, not another loss but I am here and I am dealing. Are people coming out of the wood works? Ah, sort of but so far only in a good way...nothing like last year. I have received a ginormous amount of out poor and support from family, friends, bloggers, and just random people via email, messages, phone calls, comments and I am nothing but grateful.
Emotionally right now I am a little peeved to the point of whatever at least in my thoughts and attitude. If someone were to attack me about this or my feelings or bring up some crazy drama that they can't get over the Lord help them because that filter that's normally there isn't. There are much more things in life to worry about then someone not liking you or whatever small issue it may be...like my mom says "there are bigger fish to fry." I often worry about what's politically correct and what isn't but really my life is anything but politically correct.