Not Ready...

I am totally not ready to start blogging or even Facebookin' again...I don't feel that Happy Go Lucky feeling that makes me want to blog about frivolous things. The truth is things are still complicated as they should be what I went through was a bit tragic and is manageable but it's crazy. Like I explained yesterday I feel some days my head has a 3 ring circus going on with the thoughts, feelings and mumbo jumbo that it's sorting and processing through.  I can tell you though that I do not know what I do with out Ms. Emmas if she wasn't the first born I think my heart would be inevitably broken. Since all this happened I have been on a break from "extra curricular" activities out side of work and I think it's best to keep it that way for now. I need to heal and walk this path I am on. Healing takes time and with doing those extra things I wouldn't have the time and to be a little frank I am not really down for socializing. For whatever reason people think its a great time to ask me when I am having a 2nd kid, I mean I have been asked at least twice a week in the last 3 weeks alone and all I can do is smile without disclosing to them all that I am coping with and have already dealt with.  Some days I do want to say "well technically we are on to #4" but then that's opening up a can of worms in which I don't want to jump in to in public.

So for now enjoy my old posting! Maybe one day I might surprise you!

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA