Lucky...

Obviously, I stroll around the internet looking and reading about others who have lost through Ectopic or Miscarriage. Just to see what their road to recovery is like... sometimes in hopes of feeling normal and sometimes to see what their trying to conceive story is like. When I first experienced the ectopic pregnancy I could tell you I went through an array of emotions such as feeling as if I was 1/2 a woman without one of my fallopian tubes. The shock of losing a body part in which you could say I took for granted because I really had horrid menstrual cycles was very devastating for me. It's not like Mr. M or Dr. A woke me up and asked if it would be okay to take away the expressway of which 1/2 of my lady eggs traveled in hopes of becoming fertile myrtles. Nope, by the time I woke up it was all said and done and I was left with the aftermath of mourning the loss of a pregnancy and now a woman body part. It's really taken me the last year and a half to realize it's okay and I am still all woman. With strolling the internet and reading others stories I have realized how lucky I really am. Yes, I did go on and have an unsuccessful pregnancy the following year but at least I have been able to conceive naturally which was a huge concern for me since I have had medical professionals say it could take rounds of clomid and/or IVF if clomid didn't work. Every day I am thankful for the path that I have walked, even though I now walk with caution I feel that it might be a good caution. Even though some days it makes me feel that my pregnancy innocence were stripped away at the ripe age of 25, I realize it could be worse. Especially, after having a postpartum blood hemorrhage after delivering Emma I realize all of this could have possibly not happened if Dr. A doing his job to save my uterus and life...even though it is unfortunate I am lucky to be able to conceive even with all the bumpy roads.

Here is to you my little angel babies Max & Ethan, you have forever shaped my life, hands down. Thank you making Ms. Ellie possible.

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA