Past meets present

My sub-caption under Living La Juicy is "the good, the bad, and the ugly of life, pregnancy, and motherhood..." Which I couldn't have said it any other way there are good, bad and ugly with everything in life. I suppose this post could be considered a good and an ugly, so here it is. Every day I wake up and shower it's something I have always done, it's my routine. Over these past two years though my physical body has incurred some scaring and it's something I have to look at every day when I wake up and shower. Just like waking up for 5+ months looking pregnant reminds you that your pregnant these scars remind of what could have been and what I have endured. It's almost been a year and a half since I have had lyproscopy to remove a baby and my fallopian tube so the scaring is still some what fresh and still puffy. Yes, a year and a half has been a while but I have scaring from earlier surgeries that are 8+ years old and you can visibly see a difference, they are practically unnoticeable unlike these puffy purple scaring. Almost everyday I look at my stomach, most of the time it's to look at how much bigger I am with Ellie than I was with Emma but ever so often those puffy purple scares just jump right out at me as if they are screaming to be looked at and touched. I have been able to avoid stretch marks everywhere but since carrying Ellie I have developed a lighter purple vertical stretch mark right through the puffy scar on my left. I have jokingly have said it's where my past meets my present, X mark the spot right? Right... just like what people have said around the loss of Max & with Ethan impacts my present (because I am not willing to go down specific roads with people) these scars serve as a reminder of something that completely derailed changed my life but has put me in the path to have Ellie. If it's anything this pregnancy has been is bitter-sweet; a bitter & painful reminder of how Max & Ethan's lives did not unfold but sweet to realize life can still be made. I am not sure if Ellie's pregnancy has affected my retrospect of God but it surely does make me wonder.

Speaking of Ellie her basics are purchased, meaning stroller, car seat, bottles and bedding which is pretty cool. I have to wait on the bedding to be made as it takes 3-4 weeks to make but I am excited to get it done with now lets see if I am excited for when they arrive ;)