Ethan's Estimated Due Date

Excuse me while I gather what thoughts and sensesthat have come to today and in the last nine months.

Today marks a day where life could have been but isn't.

Today was our Estimated Due Date for Ethan. It was a very bittersweet and humbling day. Especially carrying Ellie. Without this loss and loss of Max I would not be carrying Ellie, who knows really where we would be. Even though I am pregnant with Ellie a bit sorrow still lingers, like when you lose something close to you. It's the final nail in the coffin of a dream that I had for my child. The greatest gifts that I received out of loss of Ethan was that I didn't need to make any decisions...there was no choosing to end it like with the ectopic pregnancy as Ethan died on his own of natural causes. For that I am grateful because I am not sure if my heart could have handled that guilt again. Losing two pregnancies back to back is another thing I can check off my list of things I never thought I would experience in life but have and it has forever changed me.

Thank You for this experience and Seeya on the Flipside Ethan. 

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA