The Dance of Grief

I mentioned a few months ago I was going to post here it is, enjoy and process it all. Grief for me is a dance I play in my mind. On certain days or with certain triggers the pace of the dance speeds up but without the triggers the pace slows down again. I am nearly certain that grief never goes away what changes is the intensity. Grief can mean that you are always sad, depressed or crying all the time but it also means that you take a deep breath and feel the emotion that's being brought to you with out shedding a tear.

Even with all the beautiful blessings I have in my life I can still be brought to tears about the loss of both pregnancies, if I allow my self. There are those moments (triggers, such as someone asking how many pregnancies this is, etc.) where it feels like I am eating pickles and onions that were marinated together but I take a breath and realize...this is my life that has been paved. Yes, Max was a tragic situation but I am here and a live and I have two beautiful children that I can focus on. Yes it has been hard but I have learned so much both of the losses. Just because you are not brought to tears every time a loss is mentioned does not mean there are no longer feelings or that you are cold as stone it means that you have found the pace of dance (balance) that works for you to honor not only your self but your loss.