There are life moments and blog posts that we all would love to never live or write about again and for me that life moment or post is pregnancy loss. Tonight I write less than 24 hours after another laparoscopic surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, this is my second ectopic pregnancy. Last Thursday I found out I was expecting after moments of "oh shit" and confusion and knowing what one night it was I trusted that God had a plan for this baby. The one person I told
After I got off the phone with the nurse, she advised that I go to the ER so we went into the ER expecting everything to be fine, I suppose that was my first mistake. I got called back pretty quickly and spoke to the Dr about the short and long term goals of this pregnancy. Our short term goal was to make sure the pregnancy was in the right place, our long term goal was to make it to 40 weeks. After multiple back and fourths to get blood and an ultrasound I was pulled back again for more blood test so I asked why and he said to see how quickly your blood clots, at that time I knew something was not right. Thankfully, my friend that I told and her husband came down to the ER to support us in what was going on and after a 40 minute wait
Even though this is my third pregnancy loss emotionally this is not easy at all, it's quite heartbreaking even though the pregnancy was not planned after finding out I made the plan as we researched car seat options, we picked out names (only boy names came to mind), finished up the baby registry but the plan was not for our Samson to come to earth.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
I truly believe that God has a plan for me and these experiences.