This weeks events has given me quite a turbulent heart and the only thing I can do is take care of my self and that is not always easy. The first four days after surgery I didn't shower but once and that was because I had to go in to work to hand over physical files, the day after surgery. If I didn't have an SVP visit or a retiree event this week I am not sure I would have showered or have gotten out of bed. But the best way for me to feel at least somewhat alive or like my world hasn't been rocked is by getting up at a normal time, showering, brushing my teeth and doing at least my hair, just doing those few actions allow me not to get in to a depression. But know that you can be dressed to the nines and still have emotions because those things don't go away.
With a turbulent heart comes many nights of not so good sleep for me this week. Which tends to make me more emotional (today I saw a sweet sweet newborn and couldn't help but look away as I snuck away into a restroom as my eyes swelled up with tears knowing I will not hold another baby of mine that young). So tonight I will turn on pandora and pray for a calmer heart as I fall asleep.
If you're reading this and have experienced pregnancy loss know that every night I pray for you and pray that I am able to speak the words you might need to hear or bring you closer to God in your path. I cannot always say I am perfect (in prayer or life) but know he is there and there to listen without judgement. He knew you would be here and he knew that you'd be angry, hurt or sad, so talk to him.
If you are just joining me on my #31Day’s blog journey on Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss – Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between see all of my blog posts here.