Yesterday was not the day to write, you know when you have those days where you just feel off? Well, yesterday was it for me as it was a reminder of what day started me on this path of pregnancy loss. My partner and I often joke "could you imagine if we had all of your pregnancies, we would have five kids!" But then we stop and realize that our sweet sweet rainbow baby Ellie-Bean would not be here with us. October 13th, 2009 is the day that changed me forever. I remember the innocence that I had about pregnancy being changed within just a few hours. I remember going back and forth for hCG testing and the Doctor saying "everything looks great! We'll be seeing a baby today!" I remember that sweet joy that I felt in my heart until the room went silent and after words of him telling me what was going to happen, without a choice and I remember simply asking myself "God where are you?!" As it was simply past the realm of grasping what was happening. Not once that day or in the days that followed in 2009 did I ever think that I would be there again losing a year later let alone three years later.
Each of us have these days the days that mark a special day for me the date of the loss and their expected birthday are the days that my heart truly mourns. I would never have expected that I would be here in fact I never would have guessed that I would be there three sweet times. Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, October 15th was created to provide support, education and awareness for those who are suffering or may know someone who has suffered a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, a still birth, or the loss of an infant. What can you do to brighten the awareness?
Join us in a candle lighting ceremony at 7pm at your house on October 15th.
If you are just joining me on my #31Day’s blog journey on Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss – Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between see all of my blog posts here.