Day 17: Kids & Grieving After Pregnancy Loss
Let's just start with kids are very intuitive, I honestly think my children knew before I did that I was pregnant. In my case they were probably preparing my heart for the news because those who know me know I was very reluctant on having a third for many reason's one of them being the chance of possibly loosing again and another reason being we would simply be out numbered, ha! But alas we where we are now, on the other side the side where we aren't explaining that a baby will be coming the side where we are explaining in the least complicated way that the baby went Bye Bye and to be honest we haven't truly had that conversation in the whole yet mainly because my heart is not ready. The night we were at the hospital our sweet friend from church picked up our kids and took them in for the night. This was the first time in over a year that they stayed at anyone's house so add that to the fact that we told them "Mommy was seeing a Doctor" and then them witnessing a deep weep from their Mom after seeing the Doctor. I remember vividly after we turned around from the Doctor telling us that I had another Ectopic our sweet 4-year-old asking "Mommy you okay?" and the only thing I said to her was "It will be honey". About 4pm the same day we picked them up and they could tell something was not right, right off the bat because normally they run and hug me and I had basically stopped them because I was so bruised and sore from the surgery that was that morning. A few days past and I will admit, I do not remember much if anything but sleeping and no one sleeping with me. As I got up and around and showering Emma realized Mommy had boo boo's and her first replies were "Bear get Mommy, baby go bye-bye" I could not directly deal with that especially within the first few days but I am sure she could tell by sour face that she was possibly right. I wish I could say that she stopped there but she didn't...I love her to death but phew she is a proud and boastful one. She not only wanted to tell her friends but she wanted to show her friends and tell anyone who was willing to listen to her.
After the first two weeks it subsided a bit, which I was so thankful for but this Monday it came up again when we were at the nail salon. Emma asked the lady doing her nails where her brother was and in reply she said "Where is your brother?" Emma's reply in such a satisfying just way was "He's with Jesus!" she just smiled. I was thinking "Oh Lawd!" this wasn't anything we told her nor have we really spoken to her about. With this happening I realized that we will need to talk to Emma as it is effecting her without us even truly knowing.
Have any of you been in a place like this? How have you approached it?
If you are just joining me on my #31Day’s blog journey on Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss – Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between see all of my blog posts here.