Day 20: 20+ Things to Not Say to Someone Who's Lost a Pregnancy

Just starting this post my stomach is in knots and my eyes filled with water because I've been on the receiving end of you...you know you that don't know what it's like to lose a baby. Losing a baby is not like a broken heart that you get from dating,  when a significant relationship ends, or your marriage fails. This type of pain that reaches that crevice of your heart that you never knew you had and I can easily say it can almost kill you if you do not have the proper support system around you. If you do not have the proper support system or those who speak positive in to you then please seek help. Below are some items for those who haven't lost a baby and even if you mean well, it can totally be taken the wrong way due to our sensitive hearts.

What NOT to say to a mother who has lost a child:

  1. Most importantly, DON’T TRY TO GIVE ADVICE, just be an open ear. Not everyone's losses are the same.
  2. It Was God’s Plan
  3. Miscarriages Are Really Common
  4. You Can Just Try Again
  5. It Is For The Best
  6. Everything Happens for a Reason
  7. At Least You Weren’t Very Far Along
  8. God Doesn’t Give You More Than You Can Handle
  9. Be Grateful for the Children You Already Have
  10. You Still Have So Much to be Thankful For!
  11. God Needed Him More Than You Did
  12. I Can Only Imagine What You Are Going Through
  13. Once You Get Pregnant Again, You'll Feel Better
  14. At Least You Know You Can Get Pregnant
  15. "You might need to get her checked out, if she continues to cry"
  16. "We Just Found Out We Were Expecting! But I Am So Sorry For Your Loss"
  17. Man You Must Have Really Bad Luck!
  18. I Know Exactly Know How You Feel
  19.  Oh I went Back to Work the Work the Same Day of Surgery.
  20. You're Just Sensitive, It's Not That Big Of a Deal
  21. It Probably Had Genetic Problems, You Should Feel Lucky it Didn't Survive
  22. Let Me Know If I Can Help
  23. That's What You Get For (insert something like drinking soda, uncrossing legs etc.)
  24. You Must Have Deserved It
  25. You Shouldn't Have a Funeral/Name the Baby/Keep Talking About It

If you are just joining me on my #31Day’s blog journey on Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss – Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between see all of my blog posts here.

 

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA