Day 22: That Thing

It's late tonight and as I sit here thinking about everything the only thing my body can do is take a deep breath. I finally went through the stack of papers, you know the ones they give you when you're having a baby or the ones they mail to you after surgery...yep, those ones. I sorted, stacked and made sure that I had each one of those pieces of paper because those sheets of paper are all that I can control right now, especially this week. I put those papers in the that box...I call it a memory box but it's always been a Rubbermaid (it's all they had in Italy) that holds special items from all three loss...yep ALL three. You would think that I have the box in a special place but I don't, it's underneath my dinner table...and it goes unnoticed 95% of the time until Ellie get's into it but tonight I was in it, just the smell of the items in box is known and brings a comfort within me, it warms my heart. I spent a few moments in the box but after a while I put that thing away because it's been an emotionally and physically rough week.

This week would have marked the "I past 12 week" mark, instead this week marks the beginning of week 6 since my loss and week 6 of the grief cycle. Not all the oreo's are gone but maybe 1/3rd :)

On a more serious note I have found myself worshiping and talking to God through music more than anything right now because what I am feeling doesn't always have words and that is normal while walking the grief cycle.

If you are just joining me on my #31Day’s blog journey on Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss – Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between see all of my blog posts here.

 

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA