I had this post allllll figured out...this post that about how much God has helped heal the ache in my heart from a pregnancy loss these last 30 days and how God has given my heart the right words to write to you and for me to read these last 30 days and then Halloween happened and the chaos of work happened. So it delayed me on my writing for the day which I am unbelievably grateful that it did. Yesterday I was able to meet the sweetest of babies the joyousness that came out of him and the love was unbelievably heart warming. I could not help but to hold him he was that adorable. It wasn't until I was driving home and I was feeling the long week that it got to me. I was sitting in the parking lot of the post office military mail and I couldn't help but to cry. It was one of those moments where my partner came back to the car and was like did I miss something? I then explained to him what went on at work and how that it's not that I don't like babies or I am mad at any other person who's pregnant or has a baby or that don't like my own daughters, it's not that at all. Holding a baby, seeing a pregnant woman or seeing newborn clothes reminds me that I won't be in that place again and it sucks. This one whole losing a baby thing simply sucks and its painful. It reminded me even more that I need Jesus even if just crying out in the car over a song worshiping how great he is, I need him. I need him to comfort my soul in the midst of grieving and sorrow. My heart is delicate and he knows that right now that my prayers just might be a daily conversation and might come in the silence of my words and heart.
Thanks for the Nester and her #31Days Challenge these moments that have come the last 31 Days of Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss. My Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between have been captured when normally they would not have been. It has almost forced me to write what is in my heart these last 31 Days in the most delicate of times. The moments in life of pregnancy loss may make you pause a moment but know that even though that it might not feel right or normal or even recognized and you alone, it is recognized and you are not...God is here and a new normal will come.
If you are just joining me on my #31Day’s blog journey on Walking the Path of Healing after Multiple Pregnancy Loss – Faith, Frustrations and Everything In-between see all of my blog posts here.