It's 9:25 at night and I am laying in my bed, next to my four-year old and you know what? That's okay. These last few weeks have been rough. My husband left for another overseas tour and my four-year old has woken up almost every night crying about multiple bear nightmares and bed wetting. So right I am going to just let this slide. The bear haunts us right now, I say us because this bear has been the reason in my sweet 4 year old's head that Mom no longer has a baby in her belly. First it was "Look friend what the bear did" at that point she would try to lift up my shirt and show her friends my stitches. But lately it's been the nightmares that have worn on me and I am sure her. She normally wakes up crying or weeping that "the bear it took the baby, baby gone, forest." Mix this with tears and more tears and you have what I normally wake up to at 3 am, it is hard to see my daughter like this especially when you have no words but "come to bed with me". So the bear has not only woken her up at night for the last 2 weeks but the bear also comes up during dinner or while we are out.
So, today I made a call and a call I have put off calling even for myself because of the repercussions it can have on our next duty assignment (aka where we move next) but I truly felt I needed guidance in this especially for that reassurance that I have not totally screwed my child up mentally (which is my biggest fear). She explained the way a 4-year-old thinks which is concrete and she also talked to me about how much she went through the last 2 months from the pregnancy loss to an important figure leaving her life. Her recommendation was to allow Emma to sleep where she feels safest at which if that's next to me then so be it. So here we are so being it in hopes that this bear disappears.
If there is one thing I wish I would have done differently would be talking to her more about what I was experiencing that night instead of just having a friend come and pick her and Ellie up then show up the next day after the surgery.