Phew, we've passed Thanksgiving and Black Friday...is everyone okay out there? Because man, I sure am tired. After being able to share my Thanksgiving Holiday with a new friend I had to go into work at 3 am, yes me 3am...yikes. To say that I am not a morning person would be an understatement but needless to say I just needed to take photographs of the lines that we had and send them out. But going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 2am to get ready really throws a clunk into your schedule especially with kiddo's, so I am still trying to recoup.
I know personally I am tired so I have to be a little bit more mindful of my where my mind wanders because for me it is easy to get into a depressed state or just want to bawl my sweet eyes out. With that being said after my shift on Black Friday I headed out to get a good deal on my work pants, 40% off...made me go :) Well, as I am staring at all of the decor for Christmas it made my heart heavy and when I say heavy it was like strapping an 80lb anchor to it because I realized that the week of Christmas I would have been far enough along to know the actual gender of the sweet baby I was carrying, it made me realize yet again my plan didn't work out and won't work out without vast consequences. I knew where my head was so I knew just to not play into it, basically just take a breath and refocus.
So today as I sat in church listening to how the Holiday season is not only the happiest time of the year but for some also the saddest part of the year because of the loss they experienced. To hear that was almost like a weight being lifted from me sometimes I think grieving is an overnight process but it truly isn't. I know there will be plenty more of these days but I have the hope that God will provide for my mental state during those times and that one day I will know so much more than I do today about why I lost or what God's plan for me with these losses truly are.