Certain Days Are Hard After Pregnancy Loss

I'm truly lucky, I literally get to do what I love and have a passion for every day for my job. My job not only keeps me busy but it also gives me a way to express myself. The only downfall of my job right now is that I sit in a 20x20 office and I talk to my printer. Granted, my printer rarely talks back...which is really nice but on certain day's it is truly hard to sit alone, my mind wonders and wonders. With it being close to the holiday season, I've learned within the last few days that my heart is yearning to be in a different place than I am today. I find myself fighting in my heard this "you should be here" or "God where were you?!", I get angry...upset...sad...all the heaps of emotions while sitting at my desk. Thankfully there haven't been moments where I've completely cried at work but today was it, I would like to think that with me already feeling sick that it all compiled. I couldn't do anything to truly stop my mind from wondering today nor could I stop the tears I think it was simply just one of those moments that needed to happen to remind me that these emotions are still here within my heart. No matter how much I pray, how many times I scream out to God these emotions still rise up in me and I know logically it's my brain getting me to deal with these emotions that my heart carries and remind me that my faith and hope needs to truly rely upon God.

 

Have you ever had one of these moments? I like to call these simple reminders that we are humans in a broken world with hurting hearts.

Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA