I'm about it take it a bit cereal I mean serious for a moment and admit to you one of my greatest faults in the season that I am in, it is also one that has developed just within the last year and a half. Drum roll please. . . I suck at making friends, maybe it's not making friends but more about investing in them, as people who try to be my friend can easily tell you, I don't let people in. About a year and half ago I had my group of girlfriends (in retrospect, I can say that I truly didn't know) hurt, betray, stalk and spread rumors about me and sadly it just wasn't one but more of a posse of grown women. It hurt, it lead to me not even shop in the same town, it really did damage to my heart and mental state...it truly felt like mean girls just in adulthood and for the likeable woman that I was and am it made me question why I would even want friendships with women. So since then I have been flying solo and when I say solo I can easily say that there is no one who are within side these walls that I've built that is a friend, obviously God is working in there and my husband is in but other than that my heart is surrounded by walls and each time I meet someone who tries to befriend me I run faster than the fastest Olympic runner or I simply don't reciprocate. I know this something I need to work on and it's been laying on my heart for a bit especially since God has tried to show me multiple times that it's okay to trust in some again but I just haven't moved out of the park mode and as I thanked an old friend for stopping by for coffee today I realized that I haven't hosted a friend for coffee or anything in my home in over a year and that simply wowed me because a year and a half ago my house was the house for hang outs and coffee dates.
So why haven't I moved from park mode? Well mainly, because it's quite comfortable here, I only have to deal with my family, husband and that is it. . . I don't have to worry about being deeply hurt, slandered or betrayed by a friend. But the thing is that God want's us to have these companionships he want's iron to sharpen iron (Proverbs 27:17) and he wants us to surround ourselves with those who can mentor us, those whom we can mentor and those we can simply just learn from. It states in Proverbs 11:14 that
Where there is no guidance, a people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
I mean wow right there says it all...within numbers not only is God there but he also states there is safety but the key is logging or doing the time or living life with that friendship. One thing that over the year and a half I've realized that maybe has been good is that I am more of an introvert and having more than 10 friends or just acquaintances doesn't work, I need or thrive better on having deep and stable friendships. I know I've probably come off very snooty or standoffish to those who've extended the hand and repeatedly have tried and tried but I am aware and working on this and I am so thankful for their gracious hearts and their constant trying because it's made me realize this about myself and it's something I am going to work on getting out of park with.
Are there things in life that you've put in park mode?