Moving Forward

Ya'll the other day I wrote about my struggle to trust again after being hurt in friendships with women and let me tell you the last few days I have been convicted of the cement bricks around my feet when it comes to this. See, the thing is I am starting new friendships with women who are like-minded and I've been so hesitant to reciprocate upon that because of the woes of my experience with wayward friendships/acquaintanceships. I hate to say this but for the last year and a half I chucked all of the women into one category of all of those who've hurt me within that short period of time and I shut that door...heck I even put like a few deadbolts and nails around that door to be honest just to make sure it stayed shut and I've never truly spoke about what happened to anyone except to a therapist. No I am not kidding right there it really drove me to the point of having to seek help because the attacks were not healthy, they made me question my worth, it really was affecting my self esteem and my safety in my home because of what was said. Obviously I learned a lot in that time about how women can work and how those who chose to be vicious can be. But the biggest thing I learned was that you cannot change the way people think about you or what they hear or what others choose to believe about you but what you can do is show people who you are through your actions. As I was at work the other day I encountered and had to help the women who launched the rally against me and for a moment as I stumbled upon my words I had to remind myself that I stand in God's truth and no matter how good or bad that the encounter went God was going to be there to love me unconditionally and my value was not what this person or other women think about me...my value comes from God him self. What it did bring to me was something more profound than I thought any moment could have given me with this situation which was...the realization that this sadness, hurt, anger and confusion that was once there is now gone and my heart is healed from this situation and let me tell you it's been a long long path to get back on track with my own emotions with what happened, my own self worth and with the culture of woman. But God has done that work within me and has given me situations where he has shown me grace, where he's equipped me with his words and most of all he has brought other women into my life to show me good friendships.

Do I forgive these women?

Yes, wholeheartedly. 

If I do have to interact with these women would I be at ease and know God is in control even if it goes really crappy?

Yes, wholeheartedly.

Not just because the Bible says we should but because I know I am ready...I am ready to move on. I've learned so so much from this situation it's time to say lesson learned and conduct myself in a way that can foster amazing friendships where I can show empathy, compassion, love, empowerment and how much God truly does love us no matter where we are at in life and possibly be mentored and trust in a woman fully. I mean this...this strong emotion that I hope you can read simply has come from Jesus and the work he has done within my heart this last year and a half and will continue to do as I grow as a woman. I will be that who lets others know what it's like to be free because Jesus freed and healed me from my worst fears and anxiety with other women.

Y'all I am praying for those who live in turmoil, hurt, pain, sadness or whatever negative emotion you're feeling from a friendship. I pray that you turn it over to Jesus and let him heal your heart because you and him are truly the only ones who can do that work...be with him in his word and prayer and let him know you want to be healed of these emotions!

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Jusika Martinez

Tucson, Arizona, USA