December 31 | 9:27am | 6LBS 8OZ | 19 INCHES
After our scare on Christmas I was determined on getting to December 31. My focus was like the sign you see in cartoons that says “Memphis or BUST". Except mine said “December 31st or BUST!” On Thursday, December 31st 2015 at 5:15am I woke up, showered and kissed my two older daughters and my sister goodbye and headed to Tucson Medical Center to deliver Adeline Ruth.
When we got there they were asking all sorts of questions that I already covered on my birth plan. So I asked if they had my birth plan and they stated no. So I went ahead and emailed it to them (only in America, right?). Once they printed out and read it, they were clear on a lot of things. Like my wanting for a light & up beat experience, knowing everyone and limiting who came in the room. They also understood my anxiety of birthing and after birth. Step by step, song by song they got everything ready. Then out of nowhere there came another OB, one I had not met before. I was clear that I wanted to know everyone who would be in the room. To be honest, I nearly told her to get out. But then her blunt personality showed through. She also kept going over my history and talking to me about it. Which got me comfortable with having her in the room and assisting. Come to find out she is a high risk Gynecology OB and knows her stuff, but we will get to that in a moment.
Once we got in there I had the most amazing anesthesiologist. She communicated the whole way and really was the one cheering me on saying we could do this. Obviously at this point I had no choice to go through this, but hey, she was there cheering me on and communicating everything I needed to know. Once I was laid down and situated the NICU/Baby nurses came in. I don’t know if you’ve had this experience, but once a specific nurse came in my eyes were fixated on her. It was like the presence of the Lord was there with her. Everyone else could go home, she just needed to be there (ha!). Needless to say her and Anesthesiologist were my comfort in the operating room. Before they got ready to do the surgery J came in and then we got rolling. The Anesthesiologist and Doctors kept talking to me step by step. Then right before they were getting ready to push her out of me I hear “man, she’s fighting already". Then after a few pushes I heard this gasp of air and sweetest little cries. I simply just wept big huge tears. We were here, we were done. This was the good, and for once the surgical room was a good room. My main worry, this whole time was her size and we were told not to expect anything over 5 pounds. Then the Anesthesiologist let me know that she was a chunky monkey and that she had a whole head of hair. Which I laid in amazement over. Because we all saw Ellie come out looking electrocuted. After a few minutes they let me see her and then off she went to get checked out. Adeline ended up weighing 6 pounds 8oz with a full head of what looked like black hair. I swear all of her weight was in her lips and cheeks because the girl has some big cheeks and lips, but skinny legs.
Then they finished putting things in place and taking my right tube. As they did that I started to get into a dialog with the Anesthesiologist about “is this the job, you've always wanted in life?”. After hearing about her journey into the medical field and her job she asked me what I did. I told her I was on vacation from working in the Church. I explained it was not the job I had in mind when I started. But as God worked on my heart through loss He slowly started to use me and let me see where I could be used. So there I was, cut open talking about Jesus, loss, marketing, graphic design and this passion I have to reach the unchurched because I too was once lost and unchurched. She loved how I did not let my losses be hidden, I allowed them to be a part of me. I have never thought about my experience of loss that way. But it has become me a part of me…it’s how I know I am real, it’s how I know God has forever changed this heart of mine.
During the Doctor checks the Doctor (that I almost didn’t allow in there) did after the C-Section she explained to me that they saw the “defect” site in my uterus from my last ectopic in 2013 and she made the two comments:
1) If we had followed through on IVF and had twins and waited 36 weeks I would not be here because I would have ruptured already. 2) If we had waited another week I would not be here because the defect site was ready to rupture. Meaning that spot was so thin it was about to rip and if it ripped I would have died. She was glad I made the decision for them to take the tube because it is not safe for me to have anymore. Every day and every time we saw her we talked about how lucky I am. It helped me put a lot into perspective about wanting anymore. It also allowed me to know I made the right decision. Even though I was still wrestling with it by waiting 4 years. Up until the emergency Hysterectomy 10 days post birth I still thought that maybe in 4 years I could try again, even without the right tube.
Adeline and I went home on the 5th day after the surgery. I felt on top of my motherhood game, safe kid…safe me all the things I prayed for over these last 8 months.