Hello Life As The Artist readers! I am so excited to be joining with you today. Thanks for sharing your space with me, Jusika!
Several years ago, my husband and I had some struggles conceiving our first child. It took us 15 months total, which I know for some people sounds like days, and for other sounds like eternity. I was on the eternity end. It felt like forever. When you want something more than anything else in the world, each day drags on until you receive that gift. I won't get into the nitty gritty conception details, but rather I want to share about my heart.
After many, many months of trying to get pregnant to no avail, I became discouraged, as I think most women would. Each month was harder, and I became more blue with each passing week. Finally, I got to a place where I knew I couldn’t continue on the way I had been. Something had to change! The hardest thing for me was admitting that I was madat God. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t MAD at Him, I was just frustrated with the process and confused. Eventually, I came to a place where I could freely admit that I wasmad! I was angry because I felt like He wasn’t allowing me to get pregnant! I had been praying all the “right” things. I had shared my burden with other people who were also praying. I continued to search scripture for answers, prayers and comfort. It seemed like I was doing everything right, so why wouldn’t God allow this to happen? One day, after a very depressing week where I was really struggling with our situation, my husband and I met with our pastor and he shared with me something that would change my life forever. As we were sharing the emotional and spiritual parts of our struggle to conceive, our pastor told me that one of the best things we can ask God for is to change our hearts or change our circumstances. It is SO easy to just beg God for what we want, isn’t it? But just because we want something doesn’t mean it is in God’s plan for our life. It doesn’t mean it is the best thing for us, and God always has our best at heart. If we ask for a change of heart or change of circumstance, we are releasing our situation and our problems fully to Him. We are saying “God, I trust you with what is best for me.” And we are also asking Him to be with us and help us to grow. We aren’t saying “Hey God, even if my desire isn’t in Your plan, I’ll just continue to be miserable and keep praying for the same thing for all of time”. We are asking Him to change our heart if that isn’t what He has. That is the key! God gives us the desires of our hearts, doesn’t He? I truly believe that if what we ask Him for isn’t in His will for our life, He will change our desires.God has proved this to be true for me time and time again. In this particular scenario, God didn’t change my heart. He changed my circumstance eventually, and blessed me with this beautiful soul.
I hope that if you are in a season of trial, waiting, anguish or disappointment, that you will give your deepest desires to the Lord. That you will trust Him enough to say "change my heart or change my circumstance, Lord"! He will give you one or the other, every time. Sometimes it takes longer than what our time table thinks is acceptable, but He answers....every time.