It's December? I am pretty sure I haven't collected myself since October, November for me was a whirlwind of a month filled with change. Our orders to Misawa, Japan were cancelled and Jeremy is NOT home...making this now a 13 month overseas tour. A few key points to take away from November for me is to remember God's plan (His plan is > then our plan) and remain flexible (even if you don't want to). Even though we are in a mess of a situation with not knowing where we are moving to or when he is coming home, we hold hope that this situation is for the better of our family situation. Am I crazy to want to set goals when things are crazy? I think not, I think small manageable goals are a part of what might make this situation seem a little more manageable...so let's start fresh with these goals and make them breathable so that we can gracefully fail if we do fail this month.
Dig Dig Dig In and Trust: With the chaos of this month I've only been able to grab time here in there - not a real set hour or time of my day that is allotted to him. I want that time back and it's going to start today. I also want to surrender and trust him even more so than I do now, I am quick to say I trust him, but when push comes to shove sometimes I like to hold back a bit.
Be Okay: With moving to any new place, it brings up this sense of loss or leaving behind, the close of a chapter per-say. This chapter for our family was a hard chapter - we healed, we fought, we loved, we've been hurt, we lost, and we watched God heal and redeem us in so many ways that could only point to him. It has truly left me not wanting to end this chapter - don't get me wrong, I can't wait to leave California, but I also don't want to leave the authentic community that I've found during this time especially these last 6 months God has reveled some really great people and women to me.
Be There: Motherhood doesn't come naturally to me at all, if we voted in high school, I would have been the least likely to have kids. For me it goes back to being raised by my Grandmother who was 72 when she started raising me, she did a great job in raising me, but there are things I'd like to purposely focus on for myself such as being there for my kids physically & emotionally with an open heart and eyes. With moving they will have their own set of emotions and feelings and I want to be there for them.
Set forth a plan for Life As The Artist: I usually work at each location we go to, not for the money, but more so for my selfish heart - I will admit I've been career driven, my career is always something that has helped make me feel safe in who I was because I am a go-getter, over achiever and can move up the ladder quickly...even when I've had to put Jeremy's career before mine I've always landed a job quickly or before I've gotten off the plane to wherever we land. Not this time, I am going to sit on my hands and do something completely against my nature and truly pour into my dream. I have so many directions I want to go in that I truly need to narrow it down and figure out how I want to work this - I want my shop to give back to those who've lost and provide a way for the gospel to be shared with those who are hurting from their loss. I had this crazy layout of how I wanted it to work that I shared with a few people I just need to figure out how to work it.