-APRIL GOALS UPDATE
Before we start in on June Goals I want to update you on April Goals since
May got skipped in my life, so just roll with it, you can visit those goals here
PERSONAL GOAL UPDATE
My personal goal was to breathe, let loose and not stress, but going to an IVF Doctor it makes it a bit hard to breathe and not feel overwhelmed or like you are just so imperfect to do this. I felt myself stressed and searching for an answer as to why I've lost so many times or experienced multiple ectopic pregnancies and I have to say...God has not revealed an answer still, even after all my searching and I've come to the terms that I might not ever know why, and it's okay. Throughout this process of loss he has grown me in ways I could have never imagined or done on my own.
MOM GOAL UPDATE
My goal was to be encouraging to both girls. I've really tried to navigate life differently than how I see it with my girls, I try to use gentle words and not be as analytical when explaining things to them and it's helped. I've seen both of their imaginations run wild these last 2 months. The questions are no longer answered with "ah, that's not a good idea" they are answered with let's figure it out.
SUPPORT GOAL UPDATE
My support goal was to create a schedule annnnnd that did not happen at all. When you journey through grief you cannot put it on a schedule and I was crazy for thinking that I could.
GOD GOAL UPDATE
My God goal in April was to focus on his will for my life. This in general was hard the last two months, especially spending nearly every week at an IVF Doctor. I actually fasted for 1 week off of sugar, red meat, candy, soda, and desserts. It was hard, but we gained a lot of clarity during that time on what was for us and what wasn't for us. I found God whispering sweet words of don't worry when I was puffed up and worried. I also saw him use some of my deepest hurts and pains that I don't speak about used to help grow someone else, in a way I never imagined.
MARRIAGE GOAL UPDATE
My marriage goal was for me to get to know him more. I am a people watcher and you almost assume after 10 years of marriage that I would know him, but after 15 months apart things change. These last two months have been fun watching and observing and asking him questions, it was successful, but I am reminded as I type this that this knowing him more, never ends.
BUSINESS GOAL UPDATE
My business goal was to make time to focus on what I want to do with my business. This did not happen at all, my business has been put on the back burner as I've been working for the church creatively.
DIG INTO HIS WORD: I am good at reading book by book when I "need to" in the bible, but this month (or maybe two who knows ha!) I want to be intentional and not only do a devotional, but I also want to dialog with other women about it so that I can grow in community with other women but to also see also how other women see God.
FIGHT FOR THIS SEASON: We've focused on a lot of marriage studies (one six week journey through our church in California and one nine week study where we go to here in Tucson), we've learned a lot and I want to embrace where we are. This for us feels a lot like we are coming out of Winter and into Spring in our marriage and I want to fight to keep it here even when dealing with the rough stuff.
PLACE ME WHERE HE WANTS ME: Yeah, about business...ha! All of my time has been flowing into the Church creative stuff and spending time with my family. I do have design orders that I am working on here and there I find myself truly enjoying working with the church and completely at peace with the design side of my business not growing like I thought. Because when I left my last job I asked God to use me how he saw fit and here I am, doing something I didn't want or expect to do. He has moved mountains in my heart when it comes to working in a ministry and as a team these last few months and I see him working so much more here that it leaves me excited to see.
LIVE FREELY: I want to slowly but surly peel away at the private journaling that I've been doing and make them public. I often wonder if others saw where I came from or how I was raised or what life has shown me (other than pregnancy loss) there would be a judgement. I want to write and live without fear of judgement of not being "online perfect". My biggest prayer in this season is for God to teach me to live without fear of this world and it's judgement.
HAVE FUN & CONNECT: My goal is not to die this summer, ha! I love having both of them home, but as I bring them to my meetings I want to be able to balance those days with fun times out and about. I want to also connect with other Moms this summer so that they can create other little friendships here in Arizona.
CONTINUE TO USE ME HOW HE SEES FIT: Although I see so much more for our small instagram community and the After The Loss section on this website, I think a team would help make it so much more manageable and so that I do not feel tapped for sharing constantly or creating content consistently. My Goal has always been for him to use my darkness to shed light to those currently in darkness and I am constantly praying that he continues to use it how he sees fit for whatever season I am in.