Before January I used to think that strong meant that you could control yourself, you “had your act together”, you had a career or a focus in life…even in the midst of crazy busy seasons.
Boy was I wrong.
Being strong has nothing to do with any of those things.
Being strong means that
+ I am willing to know when I need ask for help and ask for it.
+ I am willing to take medication to help my body heal.
+ I am willing to not give up when it gets dark and scary.
+ It means that I look within the darkest sections of my heart and face my greatest fears during healing.
+ It means that when I do the above, I will cling to the truth that Gods has a plan and that he hasn’t given up on me or forsaken me.
+ It means that I allow others close to me to speak into my life and pull me out of the murky waters when I can’t do anything but sob.
+ It means that I do not need a title or position to find my identity.
+ It means I am far more than my womb, and knowing it…not just saying it.
+ It means I know who I am in Christ and not what the world says I am.
+ It means that I can look at others and know that my season is a season of healing & rebuilding and be okay with it.
+ It means that I am willing to allow God to mold me from nothing.
+ It means that I might be too much for some, and that is okay.
+ It means that you don’t hide what God is doing in your life, even if it means that your life is currently wrecked.
+ It means that you are able to say no, without remorse or guilt.
I think we all (okay, maybe just me) might get caught up in the ideas of the secular world when it comes to career, family, how many kids etc. If you would have asked me last January what my plan was after leaving my Government job, it would have been to do what God has called me to do. Which was to help bring hope to the hopeless and to push forth his Kingdom however he wanted me to. For the majority that I told they did not understand. I think mainly because in the Military as spouses, we are told to hold the fort down, volunteer, work, go to school, make friends and run on fumes. For me, I took that to the extreme over the years. The things I did ranged from being a Key Spouse, to an Enlisted Spouses Club President, to helping others (typically, when it was the worst for me), to volunteering locally and online, to going to school full time, to working full time, and attempting to run my own business.
See in this trauma I have realized, none of those things above matter. What matters is that I know who I am in Christ, that I have a relationship with God and that I care for myself and my family well. See, the thing is, once all of these seasons pass, it’s easy for people to forget what I did or what award or coin that I was given, but my family (and close friends) will never forget how much I loved them, I cared for them or how much I was willing to listen to Christ and his calling over my life.